Study Group Notes Jan 13/13

VIMS SG Jan. ’13

Greetings and welcome to theVictoriaInsight Meditation Soc. Study Group of January 13, ’13.

Our last meeting on Sunday, we began with a guided Metta from Amaravati Buddhist monastery in theUK, after which we reviewed the last month’s practice and homework.

Initially people shared some of their phrases/blessings, and how they have evolved.

We discussed the some different Categories or Muses people use; and we talked about how, in working with them, the formal practice of Metta moves outwards:  beginning with an easy being to be friendly with and send blessings to; switching to another dear friend; switching to oneself, and how the 3 steps work with each.

Review:  Three steps to establish Metta with a muse.

1)        call to mind the muse, and gain as clear a connection with them in your mind as you can

2)        reflect on those aspects which you find endearing, likeable and enjoyable – appreciation

3)        tune in to your now friendly feelings.

From these bases, let the blessings flow.
When working with oneself, step 1 can be aided by a picture of your self as a little child, your image in the mirror or a sense of yourself as you are.

Step 2 requires you honestly reflect on some of your qualities, goodness and values.  Beware that you don’t sabotage yourself in this step, but really appreciate what you can about yourself.  Step 3 is similar to the previous muses, in which you really attune to how pleasant it feels to be your own friend, feel onside with yourself, and out of these 3, start sending your blessings to yourself – remembering to tune in to the essential meaning of each phrase/blessing.

I also reviewed the various supports to formal Metta practice, like rhyme &/or rhythm; melody, images and memories, etc.

Today we added two new Categories or Muses: the Neutral Person and the Difficult one.

NEUTRAL PERSON . . (Familiar stranger).

This one is a significant switch from those KNOWN to us and the rest of the human race, as we begin to expand our capacity to empathize with and care about those people we don’t know.  We choose someone we see around often, in our neighborhoods or at work, so we can picture/sense them clearly, but we know nothing about their personal lives – so there’s no charge, no impact on ourselves.

Here the 3 steps are slightly different:

1)    as before – get as clear an image/sense as possible.

2)    We have no information which makes them dear to us, so instead we reflect on their certain experiences, for example:  they were kids, who cried, who were scared, were in pain and who achieved successes, knew happiness and love, have possibly experienced heartbreak, heartache and joy. Who like everyone else, including ourselves haves dreams, hopes and fears, and above all, who want peace and contentment, happiness and love, as we all do.

3)    From this reflection, we tune into our tender hearts, our empathetic feelings and from this, now we share and offer our blessings and Metta phrases.

DIFFICULT PERSON.

Our usual response to a “neutral person” is one of dismissal, and ignoring.  Our usual response to a difficult person is one of aversion, whether it be aggressive and critical, angry or judgmental, or fearful and avoidant.  Either way it is an aversive response.   Here, with Metta practice we want to train ourselves to see and relate beyond the conflict, to the real person, and relate with at least absence of aversion, and hopefully with some acceptance, understanding and even warmth.

To do this, the 3 steps are very similar to those above, with the Neutral Person:

1)    as before – get as clear an image/sense as possible.

2)    Rather than focusing on what bothers us or offends us, we reflect on their certain experiences, for example:  they too were kids who cried, who were scared, were in pain and who achieved successes, knew happiness and love, have possibly experienced heartbreak, heartache and joy. They too, like everyone else, including ourselves haves dreams, hopes and fears, and above all, they too want peace and contentment, happiness and love, as we all do.  By reflecting thus, we are putting them in a context larger than our personal conflict.  Giving them a fuller life, and a richer set of behaviours than the ones that trigger us.  Then, as above,

3)    From this reflection, we tune into our tender hearts, our empathetic feelings and from this, now we share and offer our blessings and Metta phrases.

Keep the bar low here.  Don’t expect to be loving and sweet.  Metta is far more than that – it ranges into acceptance, allowance, understanding, tolerance even and more.  This person, who is difficult for us in certain circumstances is a person, conditioned to being just as they are, with their stuff – their personality and their story, their ignorance and fear etc.   We are very likely their difficult person !!  And we are conditioned to be triggered by them.  We need some forgiveness of all this, and we’ll discuss and practice some of that next time.

While working with this difficult one you could, if you like, in step 2, go so far as to reflect on this person’s qualities, and goodness, good intentions and decency (just as you did with yourself).  It can help considerably.  Finally remember we ALL want to be happy, and everything we do and say, and even think, is an attempt in that direction, however short-sighted or confused that my appear to be.

Meanwhile, Metta, like Mindfulness of which it is a part, doesn’t add anything.  No comment, no explanation, no story, no justification, no judgment – cares and wishes well.

We have 4 weeks to work with these two Muses, both in formal meditation practice and in our daily lives.

Misc. quotes from this session:

“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”

JK Rowling Harry Potter

“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”

 Henry James

“No one has ever become poor by giving.”

Anne Frank, diary of Anne Frank 

A laugh, to be joyous, must flow from a joyous heart, for without kindness, there can be no true joy.

 

HOMEWORK

Read over your Metta chant and the Metta Sutta from the Buddha again, exploring what lines and phrases resonate with you.

Google:  Random Acts of Kindness and see what you discover, and what inspires you.

HOMEWORK, for the week of:

January 13

Meditation Practice:

Keep firming up your phrases/blessings until they flow easily and beautifully for you, without having to look them.

Work with 3 Muses, the easiest dear one, yourself and then the Neutral Person.   See what emerges for you.  What do you discover doing this ?

As yourself: Is there really any difference between those known to me & those I know little about ? 

Daily Life Metta practice:

Notice your behaviour towards strangers – those you don’t know.  Ask yourself what keeps you unaware/unsympathetic disconnected from strangers?

Commit a random Act of Kindness (or two) and observe the effect on yourself.

January 20

Meditation Practice:

For one more week work with the same 3 muses = a dear one, yourself and a Neutral one, employing and becoming familiar with the 3 support steps, and observing your relationship with this particular ‘neutral’ one.

Daily Life Metta practice:

Pay attention to your attitude to your particular Neutral Person, when you actually encounter them next time.

Contact someone you have been ignoring, because, as we discussed in class, being ignored or passed over is so very painful.

Reflect: have you been kind today ?

Perform the odd “random act of kindness”

January 27

Meditation Practice:

Work with either a dear one or yourself, then switch to the neutral one, and then switch to the Difficult Person. I suggest at least 5 minutes each one. (Be careful – just a mildly irritating difficult one, not the big enemy No. 1 – way too risky to get sucked into the story, which we are training to see beyond.)

Notice the tendency to get involved in the content of your relationship, and try not to.  Observe how you don’t do that, or what you do to get back to true Metta, when you have.

Note well here that true Metta is not its Near Enemy, which is attachment.  Attachment when working with a dear muse, expects something in return, is making some kind of bargain.  When working with a difficult person, attachment wants to withhold friendliness out of blame, judgment or aversion.  Notice whether your Metta is pure, or its Near Enemy.

Daily Life Metta practice:

Bring this into your daily life.  Notice how well you can apply this broader perspective when encountering a difficult / irritating person or people.  See them as young, confused, afraid, vulnerable.  Etc.

February 3

Meditation Practice:

Keep going with the Difficult one this week, trying a slightly more challenging difficult one (s), now you’ve practiced for a week.  Observe what happens to you, your thoughts, your attitude etc.

Combine Metta + Vipassana practice finding a combination that works well.

How different are these two practices ? How do they work together ?

Daily Life Metta practice:

Expand both these two new muses to beings beyond the human realm.  Both those we completely ignore and those we don’t like… See what happens.

Remembering that Metta manifests in so many forms:

Massage.  Yoga.  Food.  Making your surroundings tidy/aesthetically pleasing.  House-cleaning.

Living by the guidelines of the PRECEPTS is Metta.

Living an ethical life, keeping vows, paying bills, abiding by laws is kind and friendly. Please and thank you are Metta.  Inviting people to come and eat with you is friendliness in action.  Calling friends up for a chat; answering emails – all the practice of Metta, not to mention volunteering, and serving of all kinds.

Courtesy is Metta.

Reference materials :

Google You Tube, and search for Bodhisattva on the Metro.  Happy viewing.

BOOK:  The Power of Kindness.  Piero Ferrucci

One Act of Kindness – Act of Kindness

Be Kind – BE kind

Joshua Bell in the Metro – Joshua Bell

In February, we WON’T BE MEETING, because I’m away teaching a month long retreat at Spirit Rock.  However I’ll make available a talk on the next aspect of the Brahma Viharas we’ll study:

KARUNA and Forgiveness etc., which will be put up on the website in February with the relevant notes posted.

Please check there for the following 4 weeks of practice, and we’ll meet again on Sunday, March 10th.